Well, since next month marks the 10 year anniversary of me graduating college, I figured it's time for a little reflection. I almost didn't realize how long it has been. It's funny how the simplest things can jog your memory....
One of my favorite time wasters is browsing through the "People You Might Know" feature on Facebook. It's a great way to find friends that you may not have realized were on Facebook. The downside, if you're a person like me, is that you inevitably see people on there that you would rather not see. It's seeing these people that started my whole "reflective state".
Anyway, in the past 10 years I've been married, divorced, and now I'm getting married again. I've lost some really close friends, but I've made a lot of really close friends. I bought a house. I've been promoted at work a couple times.
When it's said like that, it doesn't seem like it's been 10 years. It sounds like it could have been over a much longer period.
But, everything seemed to happen somewhat quickly for me. I got a great job right out of college. I was married 2 years later. 3 years after that, I was getting a divorce. Of all the things in my life, that's the biggest thing I regret. Not the getting divorced part, but the getting married part. There was a part of me that knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I did it anyway. I hurt a lot of people going through that. For that, I'm sorry.
But, having said that, I still wouldn't change a thing. As weird as that may sound, that divorce was the catalyst for a lot of MAJOR changes in my life. 2 of the closest friends I ever had in my life stopped talking to me. I know that a lot of the decisions I was making at the time were strange and they may not have approved, but it still would have been nice if they at least tried to talk me through it instead of turning their backs on me.
However, out of that, I realized many, many things about myself.
The first, and biggest, was that I was ALWAYS defining myself through the views of other people. And I was miserable because of it. So, I started seeing me for ME. I started doing the things that I wanted to do. Feeling the way I wanted to feel. I started to FINALLY be ME.
And it was freeing!
It helped me take the first steps in a new, uncharted direction. My life was no longer "going according to plan". Granted, I got into a horrible relationship after the divorce, but even that had its lessons for me to learn. The biggest was that I am NO ONE'S doormat.
And that was the final lesson I learned to make me who I am today. I realized the value of myself and discovered an inner confidence that I never really had. I stopped caring what other people thought about me and just started LIVING.
I was more focused at work. I started going to law school, even though that venture would ultimately not work out due to finances. I made new friends. Better friends. I joined a new band. I got promoted at work. Then I got promoted again into my current position.
I've realized my potential, and in a lot of cases, I've exceeded it.
And most importantly, I found the person who loves me for who I am, flaws and all. I've never been happier. And when we get married in May of 2012, I'm sure I'll be even happier. I've found my "home". But for more information on that, you're going to have to follow my OTHER blog:
nytgroom.blogspot.com
See you there!
TonyC
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