2001 to 2011 - A Review

Well, since next month marks the 10 year anniversary of me graduating college, I figured it's time for a little reflection. I almost didn't realize how long it has been. It's funny how the simplest things can jog your memory....

One of my favorite time wasters is browsing through the "People You Might Know" feature on Facebook. It's a great way to find friends that you may not have realized were on Facebook. The downside, if you're a person like me, is that you inevitably see people on there that you would rather not see. It's seeing these people that started my whole "reflective state".

Anyway, in the past 10 years I've been married, divorced, and now I'm getting married again. I've lost some really close friends, but I've made a lot of really close friends. I bought a house. I've been promoted at work a couple times.

When it's said like that, it doesn't seem like it's been 10 years. It sounds like it could have been over a much longer period.

But, everything seemed to happen somewhat quickly for me. I got a great job right out of college. I was married 2 years later. 3 years after that, I was getting a divorce. Of all the things in my life, that's the biggest thing I regret. Not the getting divorced part, but the getting married part. There was a part of me that knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I did it anyway. I hurt a lot of people going through that. For that, I'm sorry.

But, having said that, I still wouldn't change a thing. As weird as that may sound, that divorce was the catalyst for a lot of MAJOR changes in my life. 2 of the closest friends I ever had in my life stopped talking to me. I know that a lot of the decisions I was making at the time were strange and they may not have approved, but it still would have been nice if they at least tried to talk me through it instead of turning their backs on me.

However, out of that, I realized many, many things about myself.

The first, and biggest, was that I was ALWAYS defining myself through the views of other people. And I was miserable because of it. So, I started seeing me for ME. I started doing the things that I wanted to do. Feeling the way I wanted to feel. I started to FINALLY be ME.

And it was freeing!

It helped me take the first steps in a new, uncharted direction. My life was no longer "going according to plan". Granted, I got into a horrible relationship after the divorce, but even that had its lessons for me to learn. The biggest was that I am NO ONE'S doormat.

And that was the final lesson I learned to make me who I am today. I realized the value of myself and discovered an inner confidence that I never really had. I stopped caring what other people thought about me and just started LIVING.

I was more focused at work. I started going to law school, even though that venture would ultimately not work out due to finances. I made new friends. Better friends. I joined a new band. I got promoted at work. Then I got promoted again into my current position.

I've realized my potential, and in a lot of cases, I've exceeded it.

And most importantly, I found the person who loves me for who I am, flaws and all. I've never been happier. And when we get married in May of 2012, I'm sure I'll be even happier. I've found my "home". But for more information on that, you're going to have to follow my OTHER blog:

nytgroom.blogspot.com

See you there!
TonyC

My Declaration of (Non)Independence

So, to anyone who truly knows me, I have described myself as a political Independent for as long as I've been able to register to vote. I've been pretty staunch about this. I always felt that I could identify with policies of both the Democrats and Republicans. I've used the whole "Socially liberal, fiscally conservative" tag for myself pretty consistently. However, I don't feel that this is true anymore.

This has been building for quite sometime, but I honestly feel I can no longer claim Independence. So, let this be my notice to all 1 of you who follow me, or to the various people who may come here from my Facebook, but I am now, without a doubt, a Democrat!

Now, as I've said, this has been building for a while. But, like most awakenings, and I do believe this was an awakening, it took a pretty jarring event to finally break open the flood gates of awareness. It took something as tragic as the shootings down in Arizona to truly make me see the light.

Now, please don't think I'm using a tragic event such as that for some shameless self-promotion. That's not the point. I think what happened was tragic, heart-breaking, and, ultimately, preventable. But that's a blog for another day.

No, what happened there truly showed me what the basic characteristics of each party were. I don't believe that anybody should really break down those events to being politically charged. We may never know what went on in that person's head. But, to see how people tried to lump him in with either Political Party was shocking.

Democrats tried to say he was motivated by Republican violent rhetoric. Ok. That's wrong, even though I freely admit I tried saying the same thing. I was wrong too. HOWEVER, the Republicans, instead of downplaying that or even trying to say that this guy was crazy so who knows what motivated him, they then say "Oh no. He's a lefty. We're not to blame."

WHAT??? That's your response??? He's a lefty, we're not to blame??? Are you fucking kidding me????

All that did was make me want to watch more and more of the news. I needed to know where each side was coming from. I needed to know why I felt so outraged over all this. I needed to augment my political knowledge.

So, I watched some Fox News. I watched some MSNBC. I watched some CNN. I read the news from various sites. And then, I watched the Daily Show.

Needless to say, Jon Stewart is now my hero. I found that he felt the exact same way I do about various political topics and the way that politicians handle themselves. Then, to see that he is a lefty, I realized I was too.

Additionally, I watched Rachel Maddow. I know that most people on the right don't like her. I don't care anymore. I do. She's smart, witty, sarcastic(like me)....and she's also from Western MA. Awesome.

Having watched her show quite a bit over the past 2 weeks, she's usually pretty dead on.

So. Having said all that, there it is. I'm a Democrat. I'm actually pretty happy about that. I feel much better about it now. I just can't bear myself to align myself, even slightly, with a group that are so completely out of touch with regular people. I know the Dems aren't really in touch, but at least they don't outright LIE and expect people to believe them.

Ok. Maybe they do lie, but at least those lies aren't as bad as saying that our Founding Fathers were against slavery and stated so in the Constitution.

Yes. The Tea Party faction of the Repubs say AND believe that.

Yeah. I'm a Democrat.

Entry #1

So I've decided to start a blog. I have a lot of thoughts and opinions that I feel I need to get out of my head. Sometimes, it's purely so that I can make sense of what goes on up there. Other times, it's because I feel there will be some topic that I need to rant and/or rave about. And then there are those few times where I'm going to use it for a bit of shameless self-promotion of my band.

However, it took me a while to figure out what I'm going to call this blog. Hell, it took a while just to figure out what I'm going to have the web address be. I tried just using my name, but there are a metric shit ton of Anthony Cruz's out there. That left me with only one REAL option though...

therealanthonycruz.blogspot.com

Yes. I did just call myself the REAL Anthony Cruz. Suck it, all you other fake Anthony Cruz's. This is my blog and you don't matter.

As for the title of the blog itself, I thought Musings from a Cluttered Mind was fairly appropriate. I know we all have a lot of thoughts running through our head, but I feel like I have just a few more than your average person. I'm 31 years old, but I've seen, done, and been through a lot in those 31 years. It makes it even more cluttered once you realize that I rarely forget anything.

Oh, don't get me wrong. There are things that I "forget", but I tend to think they're more "buried in the back of the filing cabinet" than forgotten. That being said, Musings from a Cluttered Mind it is.

I think that'll be it for now. It IS Christmas Eve after all and there happens to be a bottle of wine that needs to be opened and consumed....